i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
