He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
