actually, I'm a sock model
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize