I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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