sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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