I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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