hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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