Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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