those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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