I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
