the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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