And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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