I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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