he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
