I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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