Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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