you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
