God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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