Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
