i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
