I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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