Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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