dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
