HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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