i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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