I wish I could punch you in the face.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
