$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
