worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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