im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
