I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
