you win again, gameday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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