i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
