Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
