She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
