none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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