i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
