so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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