Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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