yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
