no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
