i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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