Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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