Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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