I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
