i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
