you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
