You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
