You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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