I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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