My cat gives me a boner
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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