And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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