Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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