So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
