When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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