i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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