we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
