First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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