Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
