So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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