Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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