So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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