Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
