I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
