So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
