Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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