I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
