My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
