I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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