He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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